Aberforth Dumbledore

[Private to Free Order]
So it's taken some time but I've finally found a place to use for the decoy safehouse plan. An old friend of mine's got a place in Wallingford that he's holding on to for me until we figure out how we want to handle this. I can take care of the wards so it looks like a proper safehouse. Or more like so it looks like nothing at all. But we need to figure out how to get word to You-Know-Who's minions. I can get my friend to tip off the Ministry, but we'll need someone else to play buyer. Someone the Ministry knows is one of us. Unless someone's got a better idea?

Yes, I'm actually asking.

[Private to Remus]
You up for giving me a hand with the fidelius charm? Figured it's my turn to play secret keeper even if it's just for the decoy.

[Private to Remus, Kingsley and Hestia]
All right. So I think we've given everyone enough time to brood and sulk. Now it's time to figure out where the hell we go from here. I'm not trying to take charge here - the last thing I want is to try and lead this group. But it's a slow day at the bar and I figure we've got to start somewhere so you get to listen to an old man's ramblings.

I guess the first thing we need is a new leader. Kingsley's got my vote right now, but I don't know if we want to try and do things differently. I'll defer to those of you who've been there since as best as I can tell right now, leading the Order seems like a good way to end up at St Mungo's. Mental ward, not spell damage. Might be nice to figure out a way that doesn't result in our leaders going off the deep end.

I seem to remember that at one point this was supposed to be a secret organisation? It's so hard to tell these days. I know I'm a little more touchy on this one than some of the rest of you but too many of those damn kids are all too willing to run around and tell every last one of their friends all about what they're up to. We've talked about needing to recruit more people living in society but at this point I'm already waiting for the damn Death Eaters to show up at my door. There's no way in hell I'd bring anyone else into this mess until people learn to keep their damn mouths shut.

And we need to figure out who's still with us at this point and what the hell to do with the kids who've decided to jump ship. At this point I say we give them one more chance to come back and if they don't, we find them and obliviate them. I'm dead serious about that last bit. They're reckless as hell and running around on their own, they're likely to get their arses caught. And there's no telling what they'll spill under torture.

[Private to Remus]
You said you've been getting information from Snape. What've you given him in return?

[Private to Self]
So this is what it's come to.

Son of a bitch.

[Private to All Past and Present Order Members, except Snape]
I think you all know damn well by now that I'm not one for inspirational speeches and all that rot. So I'll cut right to it.

I'll be damned if I'm going to let Severus Snape destroy us. The Order. The group that Albus founded to fight against people like him. How much damage are we going to let one man do to us? The Order has never recovered from my brother's death. We're disorganized, we have no leader and we're fighting a war that we've all but lost. Judging by how many so-called leaders we've been through, taking charge of you idiots isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. And now the same man who sent us into this chaos in the first place is the one who gets to finally sound the death knell?

Over my dead body.

Don't you realise that tearing us apart is exactly what the Death Eaters want? If they could see the way you're all going on like a bunch of children, they'd be laughing their arses off. Splintering into factions isn't going to help win the war, you idiots.

There's not a single one of us who can sit back and say they haven't fucked things up somehow. We've all made a right mess of things. Sure, you think your way is how the Order should handle things. Take prisoners, don't take prisoners. Kill Death Eaters, don't kill Death Eaters. Write manifestos or not. This is what is going to be the end of the Order of the Phoenix? A bunch of petty children throwing temper tantrums because they don't get their damn way?

Fuck that. Albus Dumbledore would be ashamed of us. All of us.

I'm not exactly thrilled with some of the stuff that's gone on lately myself. My own actions and those of others. I've had more than my share of moments where I was ready to walk away from all of this. But all of us are responsible for cleaning up this damn mess. So either we stick together and fix this or we might as well surrender right now.

[Private to Remus]
This doesn't mean I'm not mad as hell at you, by the way. After all that nonsense about Snape the other day, I ended up losing my mind and outing myself to him to try and hear his loyalties from him. Too bad he didn't seem the slightest bit interested in backing you up.

Do I need to run?

[Private to Self]
Albus, old man, I'm pretty sure this isn't what you would've wanted but I don't know what else to do. I never did share your willingness to let kids throw themselves to the wolves. And why the hell am I talking to you again anyway?

[Private to Free Order]
So I've spent a lot of time thinking lately, about the war. And about Albus. What he would do if he was here, or what he'd have you lot do since he wasn't doing much but sitting in his office and sending you all off to fight. But this isn't the same war Albus was fighting. And if we're going to have a chance in hell of even being a threat to You-Know-Who and his lackeys, we need to know how to fight. And we need to be willing to fight. I'm not talking about the crap they teach at Hogwarts, I'm talking about the unforgivables. Which we're going to stop calling that from here on out. Since last I checked, what this Ministry says is forgivable and what isn't doesn't mean a damn thing. We need to fight on their terms. Not killing innocents, not tearing apart families. We're better than that and we're going to stay that way, but if we're not willing to kill a Death Eater when we face them, we've as good as lost already.

I'm guessing this isn't going to go over so well with most of you, but for anyone who wants it, I'm going to offer training. We can do it upstairs at the Hog's Head or with Lupin's lessons, although if anyone wants to offer up some place that's not so right in the thick of things, I'm all ears.

And before you start going on about how wrong this is, I'd point out that the Aurors did it in the first war and they didn't turn into murdering lunatics. Crouch Sr aside. And they weren't trying to overthrow the Ministry.

Go ahead, you can all start yelling at me now.

[Private to Andromeda]
Haven't heard from you in a bit, just wanted to check and see how you're holding up.

[Private to Self]
Goddammit Hestia Jones, just what in the name of Merlin do you think you're doing? I know I'm one of the first to start saying we should just kill the bastards and fight on their terms but this is going too far. When I said we need to start thinking like Death Eaters, I did not mean running around and killing innocent people. Not that I think yelling at you is going to make a damn bit of difference at this point. I can only hope this dying business lets you clear your head and come to your senses.

[Private to Hestia]
You supposed to be dead yet?

[Private to Lupin]
I'm sick of talking through these damn journals. Don't suppose you have a place where we can sit down and meet?

Look, now that the holidays are over, I'm guessing I won't have to deal with this until next year, but let's go over a few quick pointers anyway.

The Hog's Head is not the Three Broomsticks. Just because Rosmerta's place is too crowded doesn't mean you should come to mine.

Yes, the bar smells like goats. I'm actually aware of that, but hey, thanks for pointing it out. You're only the twentieth person to say something that day, I promise.

If you piss off the regulars, I'll kick you out. And no, I don't care if you haven't finished your pint. I like them more than you.

Threatening to never come back doesn't work so well when you show up again two days later. I'm not daft, you morons.

If you don't know enough to bring your own damn glass, you don't belong here in the first place. And if complain that yours isn't clean, I'm just going to give it to the goats to lick out.

[Private to Self]
It's been so damn quiet lately, I'm starting to wonder if maybe even Death Eaters take time off for the holidays. Wishful thinking, I know. But the silence is too damn unsettling for my liking.

[Private to Self]
What the hell am I doing? I am not Albus. I don't want to be Albus. But now I'm the one sitting back and watching as these children, Merlin some of them barely looked of age, these kids go running off to battle. Only to come back beaten and torn to hell. It's a miracle we only lost one. Yes Lupin, they're old enough to make their own choices, but do they really know? Both sides, using children to fight a war that started before most of them were even born. It's despicable. What would you say, Albus? Would you give me riddles about choices and destiny? Would you encourage this? We are outmatched. They have more people, better fighters and all the power to sit back and pick us off one by one. And we... we can't even manage to save a resistance group by the sound of it.

I know most of them want to fight - I couldn't even stop them if I tried - but dammit I almost sent them blindly right into a Death Eater trap. I know those bastards. I should have known better. If it hadn't been for Lupin, it would have been a slaughter. And now he's lost his wife and Andromeda her daughter and I helped it happen. What would you say to Andromeda, Albus? That we all must make sacrifices? I'm sure that would make her feel just great about her daughter being dead. I don't even think I could look her in the eye right now but you, you wouldn't have that problem, would you? So self-assured in your own righteousness. Some days I start to think I envy you for your convictions but right now? Now I think of all these kids blindly following your lead and wonder if we're really that much better than the Death Eaters. Forgive me if I have a hard time seeing how our better intentions mean a damn right about now.

How did you do it? All those years of sitting back and watching. How many of your students, the kids you watched grow up, did you see come back covered in their own blood? How many died? And why the hell do I wish you were here right now?

And Luna. Merlin knows what kind of trouble she's in. Why didn't I think to warn her once we figured out it was a trap? Why didn't I think? I got so caught up in planning a fight I wasn't even brave enough to go to, I didn't even think about what this would all mean for Luna.

I'm writing a letter to a dead man. I think I've finally lost it.

[Private to Luna]
I'm so sorry. You okay, kid? I'm worried about you.

[Private to Free Order]
All right, so I've been talking to Lupin and I'm offering up the Hog's Head as a place for everyone to meet up before and after this battle. If you want. The thought right now seems to be that if whoever the second wave of folks is all comes here before the fight, the first group can send a patronus if you're needed. That way everyone's all together and safe and can go rushing into death battle when you get the call.

You just need to apparate straight into the upstairs rooms. [apparition coordinates] Do not go downstairs. Seriously, any of you kids get curious and decide to poke your head downstairs I might very well arrest you myself. I'm going to try and keep the place clear but if I close up it'll look suspicious as hell and I don't know who might wander in. The upstairs rooms are warded to the teeth. If you can read this, you can apparate straight in and out. If there's anyone who needs to be added to the wards, let me know now.

If you need to get the hell out of the fight but can't go wherever it is you all go, apparate back here first. The wards will knock off any tail you pick up and if the Death Eater bastards don't end up splinched to all hell (we can only hope) they'll just know you came to Hogsmeade. And got lost in with all the holiday shoppers.

And well...good luck.

[Private to Luna]
Thank you. We'll try stop it. Do you have any idea how many they're sending? Or where in Bedford? And are you positive you want the others to know this came from you? I'll tell them if you're sure, but I worry.

I took care of the owl for you so he's fat and happy. You're staying safe, right? I don't want to hear about you getting in trouble for this.

[Private to Free Order]
Death Eaters have planned an attack in Bedford, next Friday. Obviously I'm not supposed to know this so let's try not to broadcast it, but I trust the source. I'm trying to get more details but that's all I've got so far. That and the Lestranges are involved somehow.

[Private to Andromeda]
How does Denmark sound?

One of the goats just had a kid. Half price pints at the Hog's Head this week to celebrate.

[Private to Andromeda]
Has the entire world gone completely mad? Even more than usual, I mean? The idiots are driving me to drink.

[Private to Hestia]
Is there someplace I can safely send an owl to you?

So here's a lesson for you kids. If you get so drunk that when you try to apparate out of the bar and end up splinching yourself, no I'm not going to take pity on you. Learn to tip better and I might. In the meantime, I'm using your leg to prop up one of the tables. Stupid thing won't stop wobbling.

[Private to Hestia]
I'm not going to bother asking what the hell's going on. None of my business really. Just wanted to say...well you may just have the right idea about all of this.

[Private to Angelina]
You still alive, kid? Never can tell with you reckless types.

[Private to Free Order]
So this is what the world going to hell in a handbasket feels like.

Killing children. It's disgusting. Completely disgusting. But that doesn't mean you should go pissing them off either. At least for now can you try to take what they said in the Prophet seriously and keep your heads down? I don't want to know what they'll go after next.

[Private]
And I still don't know why in the name of Merlin Granger was asking about those damned hallows. Thought I'd never have to hear about that rubbish again. Or hoped, more like it.

Even last time...I don't think it was ever this bad.

[Private to Order, minus Tonks]
Look, I don't know what all this petty nonsense is about. I don't care. But think for a minute. Even if I didn't Every time you reply to Tonks under an Order hex, you give yourself up as a member of the Order. To someone who happens to be living with the man who killed my brother.

Here's a story for all of you, with a moral and everything. If you squint hard enough.

So there's this little boy named Johnny. And Johnny has a pet goat. (What? Did you expect a story from me that didn't involve goats? Idiots.) But one day Johnny is out playing with his goat a bit too close to the train tracks and the next thing he knows, the Hogwarts Express comes barreling out of the nearby cave and plows his poor goat right over.

The goat, obviously, is dead and poor Johnny is devastated. His mum tries to console him, telling him all sorts of nonsense about how it wasn't Johnny's fault that the goat had died, it had just been fate. But Johnny, being a smart kid (aside from the part where he was playing too close to the train tracks) would have none of it.

Finally Johnny's dad comes in to try and cheer up his son so he says, "The goat is probably up in Heaven right now with God! He'll be happy there, so you don't have to feel bad anymore."

Johnny looked up at his dad and asked, "What would God want with a dead goat?"

[Private to Order]
Look, I don't know what you kids are thinking, but are you completely stupid? There's nothing wrong with keeping your heads down. Hey, it even means they're more likely to stay attached to your necks. Wouldn't that be nice? I hate the Death Eaters as much as the next man but stop pissing them off. Look around. It doesn't end well. Every time you piss them off, I end up with a whole horde of them in here plotting some new stupid plan. You're lucky most of them are dumb as bleeding rocks. Anyone who starts in with that whole 'oh, but we have to save our friends!' crap gets a pile of goat dung flung at their head. No. You don't. Most of your friends probably wouldn't save your arse anyway.
[/private]

Hey, look at this, I did learn how to write. Show of hands, who actually believed my idiot brother about that illiterate nonsense? Idiots. All of you.

( and if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, i'll see you on the dark side of the moon )